Thursday, October 14, 2010

Live From The Dub: L-No interview with Profit Money

Live From The Dub: L-No interview with Profit Money: "L-No comes through with the EXCLUSIVE Profit Money interview! Profit Money is a name that has been steadily climbing towards the top of t..."

Friday, August 27, 2010


Two of the dumbest/worst things to ever be created have combined to form a super-cell of stupidity. I give you, the Snugarena:

I invite you to join me as I attempt to stab my fucking brain out with a traffic cone.

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Truman Show...

I swear sometimes I wonder if I'm human.

Because I know for a FACT I come from a pack of fuckin retards.

Case in point: My mother was just discussing with my sister how one of our family members was trying to get on disability because of a recent heart attack.

"They won't let her for a year" My sister says.

To which my mother replies "Yeah but she will have all that back pay when she does get approved"

And then my brother-in-law offers one of his pearls of wisdom (which are near infinite in quantity): "She'll have enough to buy a home!" And everyone in this conversation let's out a collective, knowing, "Yeahhhh."

Ok. Aside from the obvious (and painfully) stupid banter, let's do some maths to help you get out of the dumb right quick. The average recipient of SSD gets around 500 dollars a month. There are 12 fucking months in a YEAR. Five hundred multiplied by twelve is SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS. What the FUCK kind of home can you buy with that?? The average price of a home in Morgantown is around $250,000 you fucktarded dickhole.

Oh you meant trailer home. And used at that. Very well. Carry on then.

At this point I have had just about enough of the stupid. Just before I rip my own head off and throw it at them, I decide to walk to the corner store.

When I reached the store I hold open the door for a man who is sharply dressed in a suit and tie. I held the door for him because this was obviously a man of principles and priorities. And goddam it, he's got shit to do.

The man thanks me and promptly passes the clean and expensive Yukon sitting in front (which, being of sound mind, I deduced was his), only to head straight for a GOD. DAMN. DIRT BIKE. A dirt bike, I might add, that had a redneck so perfectly in place beside it, I could only assume it belonged to him.

My mind collapsed in on itself and I just walked away from the store. Didn't even buy anything. I just left.

On the walk home I begin to feel like someone out there HAS to be sitting in a booth, making this shit happen. Someone out there is fucking with me. Has to be. This kind of shit can not just be. The universe is fuckin with me.

As SOON as I get home, the trio of of ever-wise investment bankers are gathered around the computer.

'Uh-oh' I think to myself. I have become Prometheus, and given them fire.

One of them looks up (my sister) and asks "Since you're not deploying, do you want to go to Ireland?"

WHAT. My mind screams and begins eating itself. What in the fuck kind of conversations could have possibly taken place in my absence??? How could the conversation I just left have SOMEHOW naturally progressed into considering a fucking vacation to fucking IRELAND?!!?

This can not just be. I resist the urge to pull out every drawer in the house looking for scripts and calmly excuse myself, with my laptop, outside to just get away. It was either that or just start stabbing the shit out of myself while screaming "WHY?!?!?"

No sooner than I had sat down to write this very blog post, my (admittedly crazy) neighbor approaches and says (in one breathless sentence) "Can I sell you a pack of cigarettes so that I can go buy some cigars and smoke them instead of the cigarettes I normally smoke because my lungs hurt."

Alright Christof. Now you're just reaching.

Well my director must have heard me because after I explained that I had cigarettes and didn't need any, I sent him on his way back to Crazy Town which, as it turns out, is just 3 doors down from me. Suddenly, my neighbor from the left side of my door arrives.

This particular neighbor is a female. Around 40ish and is very, very outdoorsy. Because of her demeanor I had always taken her to be a lesbian. Real nice lady, but a lesbian for sure. And a hippy. I'm talking barefoot-hair-braided-bead-wearing-organic-food-eating hippy. The real deal.

Only... Wait a minute. She just pulled up on the back of a Harley driven by the burliest biker I've ever seen this side of MountainFest.

What. The. Fuck. I swear to you someone is out there and is just throwing curve balls at me just to see how much it fucks my brain up. Or more likely, to drive me shitting-chickens-crazy. Has to be.

Even though this all took place in the span of half an hour to 45 minutes, I've learned two things today:

1) NEVER assume things about people

2) Everybody but me is fuckin stupid.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some cameras to find...

Monday, July 26, 2010

Preview and download my NEW double album Redshift | Blueshift FOR FREE!!

<a href="">Redshift/Blueshift Intro by Profit Money</a>

<a href="">Jam Session (Feat. Daniel Aliff) by Profit Money</a>

The Wake Up Call is now available on Amazon and iTunes!!

Here's the Amazon page

You can now download Country Roads Remix from iTunes, Amazon, Naptser, and Rhapsody!! ENJOY!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

10 Things That Piss Me Off On Facebook

I woke up early this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Now I'm cranky. I looked at my Facebook feed to lull myself back to sleep by reviewing my friends dull and painfully boring lives. And suddenly everything started pissing me off. So I made a list. Now before you start thinking "Oh, god not another '10 ____ Things About Facebook That Suck list'", I want you to take a moment to go fuck yourself.

Here's a list of real shit that is pissing me off in my Facebook feed:

1) Bitches that call each other bitch, in jest like "hahahaha Sup bitch? Not much bitch hahaha OMG bitch loook we're are so edgy and irreverent and everyone thinks we're so fackin kewwwwl hahahah"

STFU BITCHES. No one gives a flying FUCK how cool you think you are when you call each other a "bitch" a "slut" or even a "cumdumspter". You're not edgy and we can all tell your mindless conversation was typed KNOWING that other people would see it on their feed. Go home. Disconnect your internet. And do real shit.

2) Bitches that have CRAZY amounts of "I'm so in love" status messages a WEEK after they get into a relationship. And if they AREN'T in a relationship? THE MOST DEPRESSING STATUS' EVER.

Here's a thought: STOP BASING YOUR SELF WORTH ON WHETHER SOMEONE IS CUDDLING WITH YOU TONIGHT. You constantly have to have attention from someone for you to feel like you matter. This is because your self worth is absolute shit. Instead of jumping in and out of relationships looking for a feeling you will never find (Because the feeling you were looking for was inside you all along, Malibu Barbie), how bout you work on YOURSELF and learn to be happy alone? Besides, IM A NICE GUY AND YOU JUST WONT GIVE ME A CHANCE

3) "I'm a nice guy but girls just won't give me a chance!!" Or dudes that complain about how nice guys finish last. (Or girls dont like nice guys)

Hey bud, you know who likes nice guys? CHARITIES. Go fuckin join one. Otherwise; here's some news about the world: IT IS A GIANT HOME INVASION ARTIST AND RAPIST. It will wait until you are at your most vulnerable (like being asleep, safe and warm in your house), break in, and BUTTRAPE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. On top of that, it's a trained killer and you're going to die. Stop being a pussy and go after what you want instead of bitchin on Facebook that you don't have it. There is only one point in life. BEING HAPPY. If you're too much of a pussy to go after what makes you happy, you are going to be one miserable fuck.

4) "OMG these guys are always hitting on me. UGH!"

Newsflash sweetheart: Guys have dicks. And they like to put their dicks IN things. Sometimes it doesn't even matter if those thing's are even ALIVE or if they are inanimate objects (I give you: Fleshlight). You (a female)+ Guys (with dicks)= YOU'RE NOT THAT FUCKIN SPECIAL. I'm not saying we don't all have feelings and love and all that shit. Not EVERY guy is a dog... But in the end? It all boils down to dicks and vagina's.

You see this woman?

"Well hello there, Mr. Delicious-dick"

There are tens of thousands of men (Bear in mind, this out of 6 BILLION people) on the same planet as you and I, dying to fuck the shit out of her. At least 10 of those men quite literally; in some sort of bizzare auto-erotic asphyxiation/scat fetish.

I say again: You are not that special. And for that matter, neither am I.


Oh. My. Fucking. God. Farmville and Mafia Wars was bad enough, now I have to bothered with invites to join Facebook apps THAT CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO SPELL CHECK THEIR OWN NAME OR DESCRIPTION?? My head is about to explode. Fuck curing AIDS. I will make it my life's goal to invent the technology to allow me TO DRAGON PUNCH YOU THROUGH THE INTERNET. And when I do? I'll send you a fuckin invite.

6) "OMG I'm so artsy because I posted up some obscure ass song lyric that BARELY makes ANY sense when read in print. I'm so artsy that I want you to google those lyrics and see how deep I am, or at the very least acknowledge you know the song/poem too! OMG!!"

Get. The. Fuck. Off. My. Earth... NOW. First off, you aren't cool because you know some fuckin Indy band. You just have a shitty enough taste in music that you're one of the few people on this planet that will actually listen to the artists in question. Congrats Mr. or Mrs. ShittyTaste, you are now fuckin fired from life.

"You're fuckin' fired."

Also, anyone who "likes" your status is as big a douche as you. You want to impress me? PUT SOME SHIT UP YOU ACTUALLY WROTE YOUR FUCKIN SELF. Otherwise; you and your "like" buddies can make like an apple and GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

7) "OMG I'm a fan of literally EVERY FUCKING EVERYTHING EVER and you should be too!! Here's an invite because I'm sure Facebook has a point system for how many invites I send, and one day I will win THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD."

You know what? I'm super happy for you. I think it's awesome that there are people in this world that share your love of "Wiping from front to back" or "Wiping while sitting down" or hell, maybe you're on of those crazy fucks that are a fan of "Wiping while standing up but really, REALLY, getting your finger in there to make sure it's clean". Really, that is just... SUPER awesome. But hey, asswipe? (See what I did there?) I DO NOT SHARE YOUR ENTHUSIASM FOR EVERY LITTLE FUCKING THING IN LIFE. So you're a fan of "Using your shoulder to hold your cellphone up so that you cantalkandfoldFUCKINCLOTHESAFASDFASDGOMG"

FUCK YOU. I don't need you suggesting that I become a fan of it, much less suggesting that, as human beings, WE HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON OTHER THAN FUCKIN ANATOMY. You know what I think of your fan page suggestions to obscure random shit? How bout YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. Also: Go fuck yourself.


I'll keep this one as short and simple as your thought process. If you can't be bothered to spell out anything, male or female, no matter the race or creed; I can't be bothered to think that anything you say will ever matter to anyone EVER.

You know what's worse? You are making a conscience decision to type like that. No matter what website you go to, even if it's only Facebook, everything is written properly. You see it in front of you at the same time you are typing. You could spell everything properly, use correct grammar, and most importantly, not piss me off. Yet you purposely choose not to. I'm as hiphop as the next dude. Hell, I'm a rapper. But I don't feel compelled to prove this by typing like I was conceived by a retarded bus driver and a fuckin Dinosaur.

Oh, and here's a protip: TURN YOUR FUCKIN CAPS LOCK OFF YOU DUMB FUCK. There is a SHIFT key that allows you to alternate between the appropriate capital or lowercase letters. And I know DAMN WELL you know this because I see you having deep, deep, philosophical discussions on your wall with people who TaLk LiK3 DiS yO.

9) "RT @SomeDumbFuck @You Dude you are so fuckin kewl dude!! <----Thanks bro!! BRBLOLBBQ"

First of all, I have no problem linking your Twitter to your other social networking sites. Hell I have mine linked to my Facebook too. BUT READ THE SETTINGS YOU STUPID FUCK.

I need don't need to see your EVERY Tweet on my feed. I don't need to see EVERY FUCKING RETWEET WHERE SOMEONE HAS STROKED YOUR EGO OR TICKLED YOUR BALLS ON TWITTER. Leave that shit THERE.

Besides, with you clogging my feed how will I ever find out that "Sally Bitchface completed her fucking Skyscraper in Farmville"? The short Answer? I won't. AND I NEED TO KNOW THAT SHIT.

10) "Sally Bitchface completed her fucking Skyscraper in Farmville."

Let it be known: I used to play Farmville. I don't know why, but I played it. A LOT. But then I realized it was a complete ripoff. Once it gets so big it gets IMPOSSIBLE to do anything without buying some of their bullshit "Coins" or "Cash". Then I drew the line when all of the sudden they gave me a fuckin RAINBOW COLORED HOT AIR BALLOON FOR NO REASON. What the fuck does that have to do with a farm?

"What, dude? We put black sheep in them. Sheep go with farms. Read a fuckin book."

Anyway, judging from the messages coming from some people, I don't know WHAT the hell is going on with Farmville anymore.

All I know is: I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHEN YOU RECEIVED A NAIL TO HELP BUILD YOUR BARN. Oh and in case you didn't know: You can buy nails IN BULK in the real world. What the fuck is this shit about a SINGLE nail??

Do me a favor. The next time that shit asks you to "Publish to Wall", reach down into your soul and scrape together what human decency you have left and please, PLEASE click "No." I'm tired of hearing how you are "Now a level 10 potato grower" (Seriously Farmville WTF?), how your "Bear shit in the woods", or how your cow "Released 10 square foot pounds of Methane into the atmosphere."

Dear god, people. Think of the children.

If you were offended by this posting FEAR NOT!! I have found you a solution!!

Just click here

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

2-3-2010. The day my life began...

I've been lied to only to find out I had been lied to again. I had been hurt more than I thought possible. Twice. I was angry beyond imagination.

But then... Then I held you.

The anger disappeared. The room spun away. Sounds became low whispers and quickly faded to nothing at all. Colors muted, all but vanishing. A peaceful darkness enveloped us. I existed only between nowhere and infinity. There was nothing.

But you.

My heart swelled and was overcome with new-found emotions. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up straight, as if in a state of heightened awareness, and my brain raced to take in the touch, sight, and smell of you, a thousand mental pictures snapping in every second. My hands trembled, completely unaware of what was taking place. You opened your eyes and looked directly into mine. At this moment I am the proudest I have ever been in my life.

With all the delicacy I have ever managed to muster, I wiped the tears from your face. But they were not yours. They were mine.

I have never, nor will I ever, manage to create something as beautiful as you. Jace Xander Thomas Harwood... You are my masterpiece, my Sistine Chapel, my Mona Lisa...

My son.

P.S. I'm sorry about the chin. I didn't get to pick which parts of me you got buddy.

P.S.S. Prepare for the thickest eyebrows ever. You're not even supposed to have those right now.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Paycheck Game and Profit Money "Inappropriate Assholes" IS HERE!!!


Worlds collide when hardcore hip hop artist Paycheck Game and producer extraordinaire Profit Money join sides to release "The Inappropriate Assholes". Paycheck meshes perfectly with Profit's orchestrated beats and smooth basslines. Standout tracks like the sing-a-long "Lost That Feeling Again" and "Life Goes On Pt 2" demonstrate these assholes' ability to deliver thought provoking songs full of substance and meaning. True hip hop heads will appreciate the boom-bap drums of "Always Gettin Money" and "The Intercontinental Champ", where Paycheck rants, "Magazines try to avoid me / (I) Pulled my dick out in an interview / The inappropriate Assholes, we up next".

Keeping in tradition with a one emcee/one producer concept, PCG and P$ present 17 tracks of pure, unfiltered, uncut hip hop - only as they know it. Keeping the content fresh appears to be no problem as you will enjoy classic multi's, punchlines, singing hooks, etc. etc...

So feel free to turn the volume up and take your pants off as we make things a little
more inappropriate - West Virginia Style! "Thanks for checking out our music and we hope you enjoy this as much as me and Profit did making what we think is our own masterpiece", says Check.

Meuwl, I miss you so much man - This album is dedicated to keeping your memory alive "MAN WHORE ON THE DANCE FLOOR/PANTS OFF/RAVIN" lol. It was an honor to jump on the same track as you, I'm sorry it had to end like this. Haggard Sheik Forever.